Let us prepare our kids for an odd failure
| Date :11-Aug-2019 |
EACH one of the youngsters -- all high school students -- was shocked actually when the subject of success and failure came up in a brief chat with them. “There is nothing wrong in failing in something. You can always try again and be successful,” was the statement that shocked them. “Uncle, how can you say that? How can one fail? And what will he do if he fails?”, asked a bright-eyed girl. Obviously, those kids were being pushed through a tough regimen of studies plus other activities with a no-nonsense expectation of success and nothing else.
Even the definitions of success, too, were very harsh, uncompromising. Anything less than 90% is too bad. And in some cases, even 95% is not good enough when the sights are set on very elite institutions of higher learning. Being schooled in such an atmosphere meant being very merciless about self. Weighed down by that thought of ruthless efforts for success of a high calibre, those kids felt terribly shocked and awkward about even a suggestion that failure in some test or tournament or examination would not mean a calamity. So scary did the thought -- of a possible failure to attain a goal -- appear to them that their innocent faces got contorted in an inexplicable pain. How can one fail? And if he does, what will he do? How will he cope with the shock? -- were the questions that tormented those wonderful, innocent youngsters.
My heart bled for each one of them. I understand fully the importance of success -- a high level of success or achievement. But I am not in a position to understand such a terribly high premium on success, with no discount to a possible failure due to some factors beyond control. If this is what our social and educational eco-system is doing to the kids -- putting them under such an intense pressure -- then we are making a terrible mistake, which we must never allow to happen. I have been an achiever of fairly high calibre. But I also have had my own share of failures at various levels. But fortunately, I was born in a family where failure was never treated as final. “Come on son, it is dark night now.
There will be a dawn in a few hours. You may have failed now. In a few hours, you will get an opportunity to wipe out your failure and earn a well-deserved success if you work hard and smart enough”, my father had said to me when I failed in an examination. I was so wonderfully buoyed by those golden words that in the next examination, I got the first prize for highest marks in a subject in the whole university. But more importantly, when I was preparing for the next examination, I was winning medals in sports and was being appreciated wholeheartedly by my parents and sisters and family.
In those wonderful, fortunate days, failure did not have such a terrible discount that it has today, and success not such a high premium. I am conscious that this thinking would not get many buyers in the high-strung world of today. Yet, I insist that we must change our attitude so that we would be able to pull our youngsters out of the totally unnecessary pressure. Of course, we must train our kids for success, but we must also educate them about the reality of an occasional failure. That would help the kids build a reasonable self-esteem that would help them tide over occasional crises that may hit them in life. They are such wonderful people -- our kids -- you know!