Looking for conversation -- in the family
   Date :08-Jan-2023

loud thinking
 
By Vijay Phanshikar :
 
THIS is one of those precious things that may be missing from the family -- conversation. Everybody is aware of this sad reality, though nobody will agree with this reality openly. Much to the contrary, in a mad advocacy of a non-existent idea, most will even reject a suggestion that conversation is one major factor missing from the average family in our society. True, the members of any average family often talk to one another every now and then. They agree on issues. They argue. They fight. They hug one another. They cry. They laugh. They are together on all issues -- or at least, we tell ourselves to believe that this is true. But then, this from a superficial observation, so to say. In reality, that may not be the case with every family. In fact, social scientists and psychologists often talk of the generally disturbed average Indian family. They find that in vast numbers of Indian families, conversation is missing partly or fully. Television, computers and personal mobile phones, instead, occupy the space that used to be open for conversation. Just peep officially into an average urban Indian family, and you will realise that what is generally understood as conversation is absent. People talk to one another, but that cannot be treated as conversation. For, when everybody’s verse converges, then conversation takes place. Your verse and my verse and his verse and her verse -- coming together in an atmosphere of respect and understanding, is called conversation.
 
Looked at from such an angle, most families seem to be missing the beautiful process of real togetherness -- which conversation is or promotes. The loud-thinker often gets opportunity to join some families of friends and acquaintances. In those moments, he finds some families deeply engaged in a rejuvenating conversation. But from some places, he comes away a sick person -- sick in the mind having realised that the people he was with had no ability to get engaged in genuine conversation. People in such families are constantly snapping at one another, showing the other person’s faults and foibles not for correction but for blaming per se. Over time, the loud-thinker has arrived at a conclusion that it is only rare that an average family is engaged in a healthy conversation that takes the people forward. There could be several factors affecting the normal conversation in the family. Not just one reason could be assigned for the absence of healthy conversation in the family. Some of those factors may be genuine, while some may be fake. A little deeper thinking will help us analyse things better.
 
We may realise that in the families that have no healthy conversation among members may not be having an atmosphere of respect and love for one another -- so as to get engaged in an endearing communication with others. Wow! -- this is a big charge -- that there may be an atmosphere of love and respect in the family. Many, many people will reject such a charge. Frankly, they must. Yet, let us take a good and deep and unbiased look at the family in general to examine if there is a genuine atmosphere of love and respect for one another in the hearts of the members. Let us also examine if families stick together only for fulfillment of social and economic needs -- or if the families are families in a true sense, steeped in respectful conversation. It is in this area lies the correct answer -- if we care to look for.