T HE most important component of grooming of young people between ages 12 years and 18 years is the sense of entitlement the kids get via multiple channels. Almost all adults -- the parents, other family elders, neighbours, teachers -- keep reminding the child of what he or she is entitled to. This is the general experience -- which few can deny. And that becomes a problem area in the child’s life and personality. Let us consider the details -- shocking details, so to say. The culture we have evolved over the past some years is truly strange as far as children’s upbringing is concerned. For reasons we as a society never discussed in depth, we seem to have decided never to say ‘no’ to our children whenever they ask for something, anything. Whatever the kid demands is, thus, is made available to him or her a l m o s t immediately. T h i s leads to a strong sense of entitlement in a kid’s head -- ‘I must get this, this, this and that ...! If parents do not give that to me, then they are hurting me’, the child seems to think in effect. What a strong sense of entitlement -- ‘I am entitled to get this or have that. It is my right’, the child is understood to think. At home, parents bend backward to make every possible comfort available to the children. ‘Comfort’ -- and not what the child actually and seriously needs! They provide separate room for study, separate table for study, separate wardrobe, sumptuous pocket-money, freedom to walk into the house and walk out any time, fans, coolers, air-conditioners, car, loads of clothes, new clothes for birthdays even of friends, new school bag every year, every thing new as the new session begins ...! At school, too, the effort of the managements is to offer the kids as many facilities -- which the kids consider as a matter of their right, entitlement.

 

If something is missing, then life is incomplete, so to say! Wow! What kind of royal life it is -- everything available on the platter. True, there are families that cannot afford such a living standard. But then, the kids feel a sense of deprivation and parents a sense of guilt that they are not good providers. In fact, both are totally unnecessary -- kid’s sense of deprivation and the parents’ sense of guilt. For, life is always a work in progress. Whatever I do not have today may be available to me tomorrow. This sense of mental continuity, of assurance that life has many great things on offer for me whenever I deserve those is needed. However, such a mature thinking seems to have gone out of the window these days. The new culture which we are breeding with much enthusiasm makes us think that if the kid does not get this, this, this and that, then something is terribly missing from his or her lifeexperience. In the seven years between 12 years and 18 years, this sense of entitlement grows manifolds, thanks to the approach many families adopt. H OWEVER, we forget one very important aspect of child’s upbringing -- sense of empowerment, instead of sense of entitlement. We o f t e n m i s t a k e sense of e n t i t l e - ment for sense of empowerment.

 

We also do not realise that by unconsciously pushing the kid’s sense of entitlement to higher levels, we are only weakening him or her in the long term. Of course, many, many among us will not admit this. They will argue, even cantankerously, that the child must get what it asks for and even more. They do not realise that that there is a difference between what the child asks for and what the child actually needs. And this is known to happen most in these critical years -- from age 12 years to age 18 years. Again, many people will not agree, and will have their own points to push. But such people do not realise that they are actually weakening the child’s ability to endure vagaries of life and surmount those with effort. T HUS, in these seven critical years, we often lead the kid to a wrong sense of self-worth because of the easy availability of whatever the child asks for. And once such a heightened sense of entitlement becomes part of the personality, the kid then develops altogether wrong definitions of life. Some thinking people do talk about this issue occasionally, all right. But the general thrust of the society is to create a sense of entitlement, no matter how unconsciously, in the kid’s head. If we think calmly about this issue, we may realise what mistake we are making collectively as a society