RECENTLY we were invited to a small engagement ceremony of a dear friend’s son, a casual affair but full of warmth and ecstasy of the impending union. The proud father introduced the couple to his close-knit family and friends, and invited all the guests to raise a toast for the young ones and express what their idea of togetherness meant—probably wanting to give a subtle lesson and a road map for the young duo to follow. What followed were beautiful, deep and moving expressions of togetherness, shaped by the unique experiences of each couple and the journeys their marriages took. The next day, the party’s over, and everyone’s busy with their life, but the thought kept creeping back in my mind: What does togetherness really mean? In this journey, the initial days of being together the very idea of having a partner who is exclusively for you is further spruced up by the fact that there is always someone to pamper you, share your meals, to buy gifts to share everything and feel complete.

 

Slowly but surely the magic wears off, the faults creep in, the endless adjustments cross the tipping point. Yet, you brave the rough road ahead together, lest “Log kya kahenge”! Then the children are added to complete the family. The ones who remain just a couple and survive the ceaseless scrutiny and prying eyes of our society to remain a childless yet happy couple, surely have surreal powers!! The children add love and happiness yet are definitely a challenge for the newly minted parents. The priority quickly shifts from each other to raising the kids. Life races ahead amidst the chaos of school, tiffin’s, class tests, report cards, heartbreaks, extracurricular activities, tuitions, competitive exams and more. The journey from kindergarten to graduation is tortuous, exhilarating, satisfying, happy, sad—all in one. It ends when some twenty to thirty years have flown past. The tiny feet you guided to walk; now have wings, ready to fly off the nest to build one of their own. The empty nest, in my opinion, is the most defining part of a marriage and the real meaning of togetherness dawns. The dreams the couple had for their children are finally a reality. They once again inch closer and look into each other with love.

 

It’s no longer about societal pressure or tradition but, more of having and cherishing a partner who was by your side all along the topsy-turvy path. The fashion trends, classy interiors, the political leanings, the family grudges, the high-end purchases, travel to exquisite destinations, the choice of friends take a back seat. All you wish is the comfort of companionship in a cosy living room with warm food and fond memories. Any wedding is only the beginning of being together. The essence of marriage comes after years of love, fights, tears, travels, festivities, celebrations and all ups and downs of the journey. Only later in life, togetherness is experienced and cherished, it’s a gift bestowed on those who stick together through the mess of early married life and challenges of parenthood. Many of the marriages could be saved if couples looked beyond and kept away from the fantasy of romanticised marriages on celluloid screens!!.