Remembrance  

 

My dear mother (Vijaya Arun Patankar) passed away at her age of 87. Aai was born in 1938 , the eldest daughter of Vinayak and Mandakini Apte. Aai was always a very bright and meritorious student and one of the first girls then (1960) to pursue and complete post-graduation in Organic Chemistry. Aai started her career as Faculty at Institute of Science, Nagpur at an impossibly young age of 20 years and rose to become Director of IAS Coaching Centre, Nagpur. Aai and Baba’s love story is beautiful. Aai’s family was tenant and Baba’s family were the landlords in our Nagpur house. I often used to ask my parents, ‘Whether it was love at first sight?’ and ‘Who proposed to whom?’ and both my parents voiced the identical sentiment that in the very first meeting, they knew that, they were always meant to be together.

 

In their marriage, I have seen how a good marriage can make each person evolve into a better persona of his and her original self. Baba was the ambitious, extrovert, Aai was the unassuming super woman who took care of the household while doing her job. I was her first born and they named me Manisha. For both my parents always wanted their first born to be daughter. My kid brother Abhijit followed soon and our family of four was complete. In 1980s, my mother was diagnosed with a tumor in her breast. When my mother’s gynecologist advised her to do the biopsy after ‘Dussehra– Diwali’, a strong woman that my mother was, replied bravely “Nothing doing, will get biopsy done soonest.” The biopsy was done the very next day under the supervision of the renowned surgeon, Dr Gowardhan. The tumor was diagnosed to be malignant.

 

What followed was a very painful cycle of surgeries, harsh chemotherapy and harsher radiation. We both children were extremely shaken by the turn of events. But my mother always gave us strength. She was a Cancer survivor for 40 tremendous years. Dr Gowardhan attributed her successful fight with cancer to her courage. He and later, Tata Cancer Memorial doctors, always cited her case as a triumph of early detection. And of patient’s strength and resilience. She was also a very meticulous person, who liked to be well turned out, not flashily, but in her own neat style. Even while undergoing treatment, she would always follow her evening routine of cleaning her face, applying Ponds powder and Eau de Cologne.

 

Even on her last day, though almost entirely bed ridden, her nurse had given her a bath, combed her hair and had applied her favourite Ponds powder. After spending 40 long years as teacher, she earned a name for herself. I was known in Nagpur as Patankar madam’s daughter and was so proud of it. Even today, people tell me that they have been Vijaya Patankar madam’s student and had always admired her for her teaching and for her sarees. And my 40 years old silk sarees look good as new, it also because I learned the art of maintenance from her. I grew up in a household that celebrated our Hindu traditions and festivities with great energy. My father wished that one of two children should become IAS officer and Aai supported it. In my first attempt, I got IRS and during my second attempt, when I got sick with Typhoid, while writing my Mains, my Aai nursed me tenderly. She used to visit Mains Centre to feed me warm Khichadi.

 

When the IAS results were out, both my parents were in the seventh heaven. Aai was very-very proud of her son-in-law Milind and described him as best son-in-law. In 2017, we again suffered a setback. That year, we lost our dear Manmath and dear Baba. Aai was heartbroken, but she took very sensible decision of leaving Nagpur, shift to Mumbai, where she lived with Abhijit and us alternatively.

 

In her last days, she was diagnosed with a drug resistant urinary infection which she fought bravely just as she had fought Cancer 40 years back. But this time, age was not on her side. She left us in the way she always wanted in our house, on her bed, surrounded by the family she loved. I had spoken to her just a few minutes back. We will miss you Aai, miss you deeply, but we are content in our belief, in our knowledge that you are now united for eternity with your dearest Arun and now we have two Guardian Angels in the sky, guiding us forward and forever. (The author is Additional Chief Secretary, PWD, Government of Maharashtra).