By RITA AGGARWAL,
Q. I am an introvert by nature, but I don’t feel good about it. I want to make new friends as I feel lonely, but my nature stops me and I always over think things. I am unable to control my mind. I have some family issues and whenever I give some advice to my mother, she says I am not practical, which irritates me a lot. Please help me. I can’t come for counselling.
Ans. If you don’t like your introversion you will have to work hard to change it. Some people like being what they are and do not feel the need to change their selves in any way. But if you are not happy then you can do it but with an effort which will be according to your levels of introversion. First identify the skills you would like to learn- such as making friends is one thing you mention. You need to identify more such skills which will make you happy. Second is the problem of ‘over thinking’. This may happen if you are deficient in making decisions and acting on them. Sometimes introverts keep thinking of the situation/problem but fail to act on it. The action part is very important for in that way you translate your thoughts into behaviour. When you fail to act on the thought, it keeps going around in your head. Thirdly, your mother calls you ‘impractical’ and that could be because you may be idealistic in thinking and not balanced.To be practical you must know what is acceptable to your mother that is doable and what is not acceptable to her.You can build your skills by seeking training from us or reading self help books on the subject. Try it first or else come for training with the permission of your parents. M S
Q.My son is behaving in a way which worries me.Histeacher complained that he is irritating other children in class and makes fun of them. I asked him, but he only says other children tease him and therefore he acts like this. I do see achange in him. I live near Raipur and cannot come to Nagpur easily. If you say I will. Please help me with some tips.
Ans. Yes, one trip to Nagpur will help me study the situation properly. You do not mention the age of your child? I guess he is in middle school and such behaviour can start due to onset of puberty. Hormonal changes bring changes in the mind and behaviour as well.You could try changing your behaviour with him and trying different management strategies. Make friends with him, win his trust, and ask him to tell the truth and that you will not scold him. If he opens communication with you it will have long term benefits in building a healthy relationship between you two and helping him develop trust worthy bonds which builds character. Bad habits lead to bad character traits and must be checked during teens. G G
Q.These days my anxiety is rising drastically.My boy friend told me that I should see a counsellor and that has worried me further. I get many thoughts in my mind throughout the day and do not feel happy or excited about life anymore. I easily cry and get into arguments with my boyfriend. My studies are also getting affected. Please advice.
Ans. It is good that you have an understanding friend. If he feels there is something significant which needs addressing I am sure he has a reason.He knows you well and wishes you well too.Explore your mind for recent events that have impacted you negatively and reason it out. You might be getting negative thoughts and if they go on whole day, you will surely feel anxious. If there is nothing in the recent past there could be something in the remote past which is coming up as a bad memory. Either way something is bothering you which needs talking out. Another possibility is a family history of anxiety and depressionwhich may begin to show up like an illness. This can happen without any recent event but comes up from within your physical body. Please consult as soon as possible a psychologist first.
By RITA AGGARWAL
(Consulting Psychologist) Making friends is a skill The columnist can be reached at 201, Paramount Heights, 40 Cement Road, Shivaji Nagar Nagpur 440010 or on 9156582334, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)