Q I am a 20-yr-old girl and I am feeling extremely low since a month. My boyfriend cheated on me and even my best friend ditched me. Both are different cases, but I feel used physically and mentally. I have entrance exam for my PG course in May and I am not able to concentrate on studies. I had asked him several times that if he was seeing another girl, but he never told me. I feel bad that even after being so honest and frank with him, he cheated on me. I want to teach both of them a lesson. I feel stupid at times that people use me and I do nothing at all. I am now afraid of trusting anyone in my life. How can I concentrate better?
Ans. This is sorry state to be in. To be cheated by people you trust is an emotionally traumatic experience. But this is happening all the time in society where the character ethics is going down and people feel 'it is okay to cheat and lie'. If you have not done any wrong and cannot think of any action where you have gone wrong, then you must accept it as your misfortune/ bad luck to have been in a relationship with such a guy. Don't trust anyone for some time till your studies are over and you become more confident of yourself. Feeling used is not a good feeling but remember the line is thin here. If you had consented to all the experiences then it is not necessary to blame the other person, unless force has been used. Instead of feeling used, you should think that it was good till it lasted and now that it is over and you are free and on your own. It is sad to end a good relationship in this manner and hurtful. But that is how it is. Get immersed into studies and enjoy your own beautiful company. Don't trust and don't get involved for a long time -that will heal your wounds faster. Engage into something meaningful in terms of a hobby. Accept the reality. R G
Q. I am married and relocated to Nagpur. I wish to take up a job and even my husband was okay with it, but my in-laws don't approve of it. They have asked my husband to disallow it and now he is trying to convince me to do other things. He does not say so directly, but beats round the bush. This irritates me and I get upset. This city does not have enough activities to do and I don't like kitty parties. I come from a big city and used to enjoy working a lot. My life has changed so much, I don't know how to deal with this problem.
Ans. One option could be entrepreneurship. Think of an idea that you always played around with and could start something of your own. You could ask permission for doing a business from home and then later shift out. Sometimes when families don't like women to be employed they actually don't mind a business of their own. This is just a tendency or an attitude. If they don't allow you for this too, then life is going to be tough to just be a housewife. Another option could be social work on a voluntary basis and that could be honourable work. Do think out of the box and find a solution. There are solutions to problems and life can be happy in small cities as well for they offer more scope and opportunity to explore newer areas of enterprise! Think about it positively! T.T
Q. I’m in Class X and I am confused about my career. My parents don't push me in any direction and will be happy with my choice. I like many things and I am confused. I like history, economics and maths. I like science, but don't want to take up Engineering. Is there a way to clear confusion.
Ans. In such a state of mind the best option is get an aptitude assessment done which throws up your best abilities and the combination abilities which help decide career choices. It is okay to be confused and that happens when you are multi-talented as you find yourself capable of enjoying many vocations. A good session of open minded discussion will help identify your hobbies, interests and personality type suited for the specific career. Take an appointment soon and clear your confusions in a scientific way.
RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) Accept the bitter truth The columnist can be reached at 201, Paramount Heights, 40 Cement Road, Shivaji Nagar Nagpur 440010 or on 9156582334, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)