By RITA AGGARWAL:
Q. We are quite friendly with our kids. I have left my teaching job few years back for the sake of my daughters and have kept the socialization to minimal level. I don't see any reason behind the lack of focus and motivation. But, I have to keep her redirecting towards the goal. Sometimes she behaves well but often gets irritated. She is not interested in counseling session either. She herself analyses success and failure of others with full wisdom but does not apply them on her own. Makes elaborate plan but lacks the execution with total dedication. I seek your advice to have a clear picture of this ambiguity.
Ans. Unless I talk to her about her thought process and her emotional states I cannot comment on why she is lacking motivation to do well and why does she not persevere in her goals. I can only conjecture. Any easy atmosphere at home with overly friendly parents can be one reason. If all their needs are fulfilled without fuss is another cause where they don't strive hard. If parents are not high achievers themselves and have not excelled themselves but expect children to do so, it can be another scenario. Proper discipline with a sense of time management at home can be detrimental to achievements too. May be the goal is not of her choice totally and she is not sure about it in her heart. Her passion is doubtful and so is her efforts towards it. It seems to be an emotional issue for there has to be an emotional base for any dedicated goal. The emotional base is important to understand. For example, when Mahatma Gandhi was thrown out of the train by the whites in South Africa and he felt insulted to the core of his being, he decided to fight for India’s independence. His sense of ego, prestige and status as a lawyer was wounded and he wanted revenge in a positive way by retaliating in non violent ways. Without a strong emotional base no high achievement is possible. People remain at mediocre levels and lead ordinary lives which is also fine if they match your values. You might have a clue here. AB
Q. My son is a confused person. We as parents keep agreeing with him for we don't want to put pressure in any way. We are well read people and believe in accepting the child as he is. His performance is sometimes good and not good. He is moody and does what he feels like. Now I am worried for his future. Can you help children like this? Is there a method in your science that can help us know his talents? Since I stay at Raipur do I have to come to Nagpur or it can be done online?
Ans. An aptitude test defines 8 abilities of the student and tells us the strength of each ability in quantitative terms. We also enquire into the interests, skills and the personality qualities of the student. After the making of the report the counselling process starts and we scratch the mind of the student of hidden agendas and conflicts and uncertainties. He may be unaware of his true nature and needs and may be living life on the surface without full awareness of himself. This often happens when the process of introspection and open ended intellectual discussions are absent from the home atmosphere. These aptitude tests are done manually in my clinic as well as Online too. Both the tests are valid and reliable. Out station students can take the test online and receive the report through mail and the counselling through phone. We have been doing this effectively since decades and thousands of children have been benefitted. It is recommended that students from std 8 upwards take the test and clear their mind of their talents and personality qualities so that they can set clear goals to dedicate themselves
RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist)
The columnist can be reached at 201, Paramount Heights, 40 Cement Road, Shivaji Nagar Nagpur 440010 or on 9823073986, and 0712- 2220250. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.manodaya.org