Stop doubting yourself
   Date :09-Jul-2019

“A dream you alone have is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.” A famous line by John Lennon. Everyone has a dream deep in their heart, which is the center of what they want to do. But only eight percent of us achieve our dreams. Do you know the reason behind this? We start dreaming when we realize our talents and capabilities. And all the way we imagine the route and life around it. But as soon as we define our dreams to someone else, the very first thing that comes forward is negation and disregard towards it. People laugh at our dream. They think that it is impossible for us to achieve our goal because we are not capable enough.
People start giving alternative choices and assure us that only these fit us. When we get offered too many choices we start doubting ourselves and our abilities. What we are really doing is allowing our attention to move into a space of delusion. We seal down the brain, unable to judge. Often end up simply deciding anything, just to get the process over and ended with. We all want to be liked and appreciated for our dream, our many talents. But when we start to rely on what other’s think of us, we make their opinion pivotal to our success.
We start tailoring our lives to fit the expectation of others, and from there we move into different direction.A famous American author, Napoleon Hill wrote that the number one reason people fail in life because they listen to their friends, family, and neighbours. The real reason so many people fail to achieve goals and dreams is that they believe on other’s opinion and don’t believe on their own abilities. When we listen to others we are mashing our own wishes, we are fashioning our self to suit the idea of what other people deem of us. By doing this we stop showing our whole personality and also not trusting own judgments because we assume that others know better.
And we believe that we have less chances of success if we try to follow our dream. At the end we take the decision by mind, not by heart and choose the path that fulfils our basic needs not our dream. When other people’s beliefs are more prominent than our own, we live life on their terms. Not ours. And yet, we’re the one who will have regret on our deathbed for not having lived a life openly genuine to who we are. Their views of us will be long gone. And we’ll wonder why we gave them so much control over us. We must start setting boundaries with those people who have been squashing us under their judgments and views and it will instantly assist us to feel greater about self! “Each and every person has the knowledge, has the talent, has the caliber and the intelligence to crack each and everything in our lives which set on,” said Roman Saini, an Indian educator.
To prove these statement and to check the chances of success of individuals having different behavior, Marshmallow experiment was conducted which is based on delayed gratification. Delayed gratification is the ability to simply delay or defer the gratification immediate needs in order to fulfil long term goals which are more rewarding than an immediate one.The Marshmallow experiment started by bringing every kid (about 4 year old) into a private room, sitting them down in a chair, and setting a marshmallow on the table before them. Now, the experimenter offered a deal to the kid. The analyst told the youngster that he was going to leave the room and that in the event that the kid did not eat the marshmallow while he was away, at that point they would be remunerated with a second marshmallow. Be that as it may, if the kid chose to eat the first before the experimenter returned, at that point they would not get a second marshmallow.
So the decision was straightforward: one treat at this moment or two treats later. The experimenter left the space for 15 minutes. As you can imagine, the recording of the kids holding up alone in the room was fairly engaging. A few children bounced up and ate the main marshmallow when the experimenter shut the entryway. Others squirmed and bobbed and hurried in their seats as they attempted to control themselves, yet in the long run yielded to enticement a couple of minutes after the fact. Lastly, a couple of the kids managed to hold up the whole time.
As the years moved on and the youngsters grew up, the analyst led follow up studies and followed every kid’s advancement in various areas. What they found was astonishing. The youngsters who were eager to defer delight and held on to get the second marshmallow wound up having higher SAT (Scholastic Assessment Test) scores, lower dimensions of substance misuse, lower probability of obesity, better reactions to stress, better social aptitudes as detailed by their folks, and for the most part better scores in a scope of other life measures. The analyst pursued every kid for over 40 years and again and again, the gathering who sat tight persistently for the second marshmallow prevail in whatever limit they were estimating. As such, this arrangement of examinations demonstrated that the capacity to postpone delight was basic for accomplishment throughout everyday life. What’s more, in the event that you glance around, you’ll see this playing out all over .
If you delay the satisfaction of watching the TV and complete your homework now, at that point you’ll find out more and show signs of improvement grades. Likewise, people don’t believe on our abilities and give us second option which is safe and easy to crack. Now it’s up to us whether we follow your dream or go for safer alternative. Success usually comes down to choosing the pain of regulation over the ease of disturbance. And that is the thing delayed gratification is about.From the above experiment we can conclude that the one who have patience and strong desire to achieve goal will definitely get success but make sure that you have delayed gratification in your life.Too often we tell ourselves we aren’t sufficiently brilliant or sufficiently alluring or sufficiently skilled to achieve our dreams. We become tied up with what others say about us, or we put limitations on ourselves. What’s more awful is that when we view ourself as shameful, we are putting limits on how God can function through us! Everyone is blessed with talents, knowledge and skills. Each one have strengths and weaknesses. The only thing that we need to understand is to determine our dream and follow it irrespective of what others think about us. If our weaknesses become barrier to achieve our goal, we must consider it as challenges and try to overcome it. When we overcome challenges,we become stronger and more grateful for our opportunities. No matter how critical our conditions may show up, we can rise above them. To desire for change will change nothing. To settle on the choice to make a move right presently will make a huge difference! It’s essential to identify our own value. Realise that we likewise have something to contribute. We can’t always control what happens to us. There are some occurrences in life that are not our fault or within our power to stop. The choice we have is to either give up or to keep on striving for a better life.

Dhanashree Surkar
CSE (Final Year)
Jhulelal Institute of Technology