By RITA AGGARWAL:
Q. I am a good student of Class XII. But lately, I do not feel like studying and want to sleep all the time. I get tired easily and worry a lot. I don’t have any bad habits, but there is a girl in my class who is trying to distract me and tries to catchmyattention. She isgood in sports,butaverage in studies. But she cannot be reason for my condition. My parents are worried. Can you help me? I want to score well in exams.
Ans.There could be many reasons foryour symptoms -one could be the girl who is distracting you and trying her best to grab your attention. And attention has an addictive element as the more you get it the more you may want it. Attention by a girl can be even more distracting if she has certain qualities that appeal to you it can be very flattering to the ego.You need to align your goals with your dreams once again and do away with the distractions. They are transient in nature and do more harm than good. If you have high ambitions and have the capacity to be disciplined and hard working then please remove the source of distractions and focus on studies. Ignore the girl and avoid her.Tell her you are not interested in friendships at all. The second reason could be either anxiety, or stress or a mild depression setting in. This could be serious and needs attention and treatment. If it does not go away inanother week you need to come for a session of psychological consultation. Check your thoughts and see if there are negative thoughts that frequent your mind. Check for negative emotions too and see if you feel angry, irritated or sad and depressed. This could help us identify the nature of your problem. Either way you can be cured of all this quickly and do not delay seeking help in case your symptoms persist. P L
Q.I amfacing problems withmyson. He is an autistic child and his behaviour in school is the problem. He gets aggressive with classmates and even the teachers. He slapped a teacher the other day and the school called me to take him out of the school. This is the third school we have changed, no school wants him and I am worried. Please advise me.
Ans. It is true that autistic children have problems of adjusting in school and can indulge in odd behaviour andwhatyou aregoing through as a mother of such a child is quite ‘normal’. I would suggest you consult a special educator in Nagpur or a centre for autistic children where academics is also taken care of besides counselling for behavioural aspects. Find out for such centres - I am sure some centre is operating in this area. The child should attend such a centre on a regular basis and stay there for some years till the time he is prepared to adjust to peers and others. M M
Q. My husband had extramarital affair some years ago, but I came to knowabout it recently.It is bothering me greatly. He says it is in the past now, but I am still in shock. In my long marriage, I never had a problem with him. He is a very nice person and loving husband and caring father. The uncertainty and questions like, was I bad wife or what if he breaks my trust again, keep troubling me! All the happiness isgone.Wekeepfightingover itagain andagain. Please help!
Ans.Yes, thisfact can be a traumatic experience for any spouse. It is shattering and stressful and a very negative one. It impacts the relationship majorly. But if you have had a happy marriage so far and want to continue to live with him then you need to resolve this situation together with him. Joint sessions of counselling along with separate/individual sessions will help.You will need to forgive him and heal your mind and he will need to be honest enough to gain back your trust. It can be done. People do make mistakes and even good people make mistakes so it needs proper handling and moving ahead. Don’t blame yourself- you have no role to play unless he tells you so. Stop negative thinking and focus on resolving the matters.
By RITA AGGARWAL:
(Consulting Psychologist) Even good people make mistakes The columnist can be reached on 9823073986, and 0712- 2220250. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.manodaya.org