Q. I am a 28-year-old man. My parents are looking for a match for me though I have said ‘no’ to many already. I am sorry about rejecting girls and it is bad to do so, but I have not been able to say yes to anyone. They are all good girls but I don’t know what I want from a girl? Can you help in such matters? I live outside Nagpur and will plan a visit if you say so? My family is annoyed with me and rightly so.
Ans.Yes, as a psychologist anything concerned with the mind, personality and behaviour is our domain. Although we do specialise in some field or the other, an experienced psychologist can help in more ways than one. We need to understand your emotions, beliefs and underlying confusions about marriage. At such a mature age if you have not been able to understand your own mind and what you want from a girl and from marriage, we need to explore that first and reach some clarity. Once you know your underlying thoughts and emotions you will be able to reach a decision about your expectations from marriage and about the type of girl you want for future. Please call my number and fix an appointment before you plan your trip. I promise you that you will enjoy the process of exploration of your mind and the clarity will give you not only relief but happiness. B N M
Q. I am a good and hard working student. So far I fared well in all exams. Now my finals are approaching and I am losing my confidence. I am a very ‘perfect’ type of person and I always want things my way. Suddenly, I am feeling nervous about exams and very disturbed. Please help me.
Ans.You seem to have developed symptoms of anxiety and they are interfering with your education. This can happen to anybody and this can be handled and managed well if treated in time. Do not allow this to linger on for it has a tendency to increase if left unattended. You mention an interesting trait of being a ‘perfect’ type of person and this is a troublesome trait for the person who has it and for those who live with you. Please try to take things easy and be a little free in your attitude towards life and things in general. But coming to the fact of your impending exams, you would need to seek counselling and psychotherapy as soon as possible so that it can be checked soon.
Fears and anxiety are emotions which could be part of your conscious mind as well as your unconscious mind. It needs to be understood and managed well. XYZ Q. I have developed an inferiority complex in the family. All my brothers and cousins are pursuing Engineering or Science and I am the only sister and I don’t like Science. Ifeel I should also take up Science and make a career likemybrothers. But I am artistic and like music and drawing. I also like cosmetics and beauty culture. Am I an inferior person? Are people who pursue Science superior? My stomach is in knots and Ifeel depressed too. I am in Std 11 and have taken Science and I am miserable. Please guide me. Ans.
Please come for an aptitude test and career guidance and planning. Do not suffer at any cost. All branches of education are great and meaningful. Science is not like God or anything. It is not the finalword and nor a test of superior intelligence. All disciplines need intelligence but of different type. A scientist cannot do what an artist can do and vice versa. If you love art that’s what you should be doing. You love the field of cosmetics too and that is a great field of work too.You could somehow complete your 12 std and then switch over to the field of choice or take a drop now and re-admit yourself in std 11. Both the choices are open to you. It would be advisable to bring your parents and come and meet me. It is nice to have cousins and brothers who are intelligent and achievers and you could be a shining star too in your own field and in your own right. Once successful everyone will love you and be proud of you!
RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) Follow your inclinations The columnist can be reached on 9823073986, and 0712- 2220250. She can also be reached at [email protected] and can be visited at www.manodaya.org