‘Career time’

By RITA AGGARWAL :

Q. I would like to state my issue. I fell for a respectable man four years ago. We met through family. I was swept by him because I found him a balanced person. We continued with chats for more than a year. He never committed. He was a divorcee, who didn't want to take the plunge again, but I liked his friendship as he was intelligent and grounded. Gradually he started losing interest. For the past 19 months he has read my posts, but not responded. I feel traumatised. My requests have no effect. I told him I would not ask for marriage, but only keep in touch. He doesn’t relent and I'm losing myself. I've been rude to him as well for which I'm guilty. I was strong till 44 years till I met him. Now, all the time he's in my mind. Kindly help.

Ans. People have their own reasons and compulsions for their behaviour. It never follows the logic you are looking for. Relationships are a complex affair and is generally unpredictable. His background also has something to contribute to habits and behaviour. He has undergone a divorce, never committed to you, enjoyed friendship for a year or so and vanished! This is a story I often hear with slight variations and twists. Being friends and enjoying a relationship is purely voluntary (unless you are tied in a marriage) and follows no set of standards or norms. People can start it at will and stop it at their whims. Do not look for an explanation for his behaviour for you will never get to decode it be sure of that. Take care of your trauma and your negative emotions of anger, betrayal, loneliness and frustration. You seem to be in your mid-forties and may be single or divorced too? If you are interested in marriage, then a better option is to go formally about searching for a partner through websites made for marriages. Or through family and friends. Instead of looking for love and friendship, look for marriage for that is a better choice. Friendships suffer the same fate as you mention- unpredictable and uncertain. Get in control, keep healthy, engage in hobbies, seek counselling and get back into action soon enough. Never allow trauma to linger for long. Urvi Shah

Q. Ma'am, is it worth to give civil service examination after doing CA? If so then IRS, IAS or IAAS should be preferred? I have given my 10th standard examinations and I am aiming to plan my career at this stage. Thank you beforehand for your precious advice.

Ans. You can appear for the Civil services examinations after CA and the best choice would be IRS. But very few people would opt for doing both as they are both prestigious and tough exams. And you cannot practice them together. Either you work as an IRS or work as a CA. According to me, it may not be worth to do IRS after working hard to qualify for CA. Both have different areas of work and roles. The job profiles are different. It is good that you are planning your career at the Std 10 level for that is the right time to do so. But you would need more systematic thought and planning to come to a best choice. Seek guidance from parents, elders at home or then come to us for career guidance. It is not a simple process to arrive at a career plan, but follows a path of deep thought and discussion.

By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) ‘Career time’ The columnist can be reached at 201, Paramount Heights, 40 Cement Road, Shivaji Nagar Nagpur 440010 or on 9156582334, 2220250 and 2223322. She can also be reached at rita_aggarwal@hotmail.com and can be visited at www.rita-psychologist.com)