‘Make your own choices’
   Date :26-Apr-2020

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■ By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist)
Q. I am confused about my career. I had taken Science on the advice of parents and teachers, but I realise it is not for me. I have not done well in my Std 12 exams and do not expect much. I want to switch to Commerce, but how to convince my parents? They are very keen I go to IIT and that is making me sleepless and nervous. They have made it an issue with their friends that I will go to IIT. I was a good student till Std 10 and so they think I am Einstein. I must die for science and live for it. Please help me.
Ans. Your results in Std 12 will show whether you have the talent for IIT or not. Please do not repeat Std 12 exams even if they ask you to. Make the switch to commerce after results. You could appear for the entrance for CA along with your admission to Commerce graduation. This will give you a professional degree and you can practice. Another option would be Masters in Commerce after graduation or else an MBA in Finance after B.Com. It is a great line and opens up the job segment in banks as well as industry. CA practice in private too or join a firm. If your parents don’t agree throw a tantrum and act stubborn. Of course they will bow to your choice if you are adamant. Be assertive about it and remember it is your life. If you are not cut out for science and IIT, so be it. It is not the Mother of all choices. There is lot of life besides IIT. Do what suits you and your aptitude. Come for guidance if required. XZY
Q. I am a total wreck in my mind as I seemed to have messed up my life with wrong choices of men friends. They keep betraying me and I try my best to do the right thing. I have made two friends and both have betrayed me. One cheated on me and I found out quite late and dropped him immediately. He kept saying sorry, but I did not give in. I felt good and proud of myself for doing so. After a gap of two or so years, I found another guy who was married and promised me marriage after his divorce, but he was not getting it done easily. My parents are after me for marriage as I am already thirty years of age and want to settle soon, but don’t know what to do. This guy continues to live with his wife and child and keeps promising marriage after divorce. Should I trust him or go ahead with my mother’s choice for many times I feel he is betraying me too, please guide and show the way. My mind is restless and I am not feeling cheerful. I feel depressed. Why this is happening to me?
Ans. Well, in such matters it is better to set a time deadline for yourself and communicate that to your friend. Tell them that you can wait for so much time and not more. If he clears his marital status, then you will go ahead and marry him or else you will go your way and listen to your mother for an ‘arranged marriage’. If you are already thirty and keen to settle down with your own partner and have kids, then you should not wait much longer and take a decision to move on. I hope you know whether the divorce proceedings have started or not, whether his wife would be willing for a mutual consent or they will conflict and enter a long drawn legal battle. Whether he has taken a decision on the custody issue and whether he is willing to pay off his wife and give her alimony. Find out details and if the picture is unclear and uncertain, then back off from the guy and go your way. Such cases drag on endlessly till death of one and lives are wasted. Don’t get yourself into a victim mode and do not curse yourself or pity yourself. Face the reality, make a choice keeping the facts in mind and move ahead.

Note: Readers are requested to write short queries in approx 150 to 200 words. Furthermore, do not use abbreviations in career queries to avoid confusion. The columnist can be reached at [email protected]