By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) :
A Mother Q. My son is in college and due to Covid he is at home with us and doing nothing. I keep telling him to study a bit daily, otherwise he will lose touch with subjects and will spoil his habit too. His father does not say anything to him at all for he is also doing nothing sitting at home. He does not even talk to him or discuss with him future situation. All they do is eat, sleep and watch TV the whole day. Please advise.
Ans. This lethargy could be due to the abnormal factors related to the lockdown or just his nature being exaggerated due to lockdown. We are going through challenging times and children too are suffering a lot. Each one should take responsibility for self and find their centre. Each one needs to introspect and find what schedules they can have if the conditions continue to prevail for long. I can understand your concerns and anxiety as a mother and you are absolutely right in your expectations. But when your husband himself is not cooperative, it becomes even more difficult for you to manage. The family unity and cohesiveness is necessary for smooth functioning of the family as well as for peace and joy in such conditions when all are at home. Make a request to your husband to manage the kitchen and home for three days or a week along with your son and you ask for rest and other duties. Make them take over and let them cook all the meals for three days and you enjoy and appreciate their hospitality. Give up doing some things and enforce it on them. If you keep on doing it they will enjoy your labour! But please inform them about your plans.
Q. I have got into a bad habit of chatting with number of boys and a man online. I know it is wrong and I should stop it, but I cannot help it. If I stop calling them then they start calling me and now I am feeling tired of it. I am scared that my parents will find out and they will be shocked. I am a good student and work hard for my studies, but now I feel distracted and I am losing my sense of peace. I cannot focus on anything properly
Ans. Get off the phone or laptop immediately. Block all those stupid irrelevant numbers and delete them. You may inform them that you are going to be busy with studies and that you are ‘hanging up’. I am glad you are a studious girl and enjoy studying, but feel distracted for now. One suggestion could be to join an interesting online program of your choice. It could be singing, music, drawing or a course in yoga and meditation. Depending upon your interest areas there are free online courses in science, psychology, philosophy or even computer related short term course or even learning a language or even cooking. Search for them and you will find something very interesting and absorbing. This is the time when you should focus on building new skills and gather new knowledge. Just doing your high school subjects is not enough and more number of skills will go a long way. Also if you are deficient in any subject of your class, practice that and gain proficiency. You should enjoy variety of learnings and should engage in something creative. Engaging in chatting with number of boys and a man will corrupt your mind and make it sick. Healthy friendship is one thing, but frivolous and trivial talks with the opposite sex members will lead to mental weakness and loss of focus and concentration. Get back to good and healthy habits and be happy. Think in the right direction.
Note: Readers are requested to write short queries in approx 150 to 200 words. Furthermore, do not use abbreviations in career queries to avoid confusion. The columnist can be reached at [email protected]