‘Thrash out the differences’
Date :14-Feb-2021
■ By RITA AGGARWAL
(Consulting Psychologist)
Q. I love a girl and want to marry her. She is from another caste and family is conservative. I am scared to tell her, but I know she knows that I love her. Her friends tease her with my name. She is the best girl in the world and she is best for me. I cannot think of anyone else, I have been liking her and loving her from many years. How to proceed further is the biggest problem. What if she rejects me, the fear of which leaves me with a broken heart. Please help me. I don't have a brother or sister to tell my problems.
Ans. You should not delay in conveying your feelings for her. Even though you feel she knows about your feelings for her, you have to express it verbally to her. She cannot take it for granted. If you feel hesitant or nervous doing it try making a formal proposal of marriage to the parents of the girl through a mediator. It could be your own parents or a relative or a senior person of her community. You might have to search for the right person to do so. Formal proposal even though the caste is different are not an unknown event in India. You like a girl and you send a formal proposal of marriage to her parents is a very decent thing to do. Both of you are not even friends, you don't meet or talk. You just feel she is the best person for you and have loved her from a distance. Just go ahead and propose to her parents. Or muster the courage and tell her and let her inform her parents if she so agrees. Do not delay- you should not regret later! NN, Raipur
Q. We are friends from one year and now my BF has proposed me for marriage. I am confused for he has high ambitions of going abroad and making a career there and settling in a foreign country. I belong to a big joint family and love my brothers and sisters. Going to a foreign country and settling there scares me and makes me cry. I am attached to my parents and city and friends. He was not talking like this before and now he is telling me all his plans. What to do? I don't want to lose him and don't want to lose my family too. What do you think? Please give me some guidance.
Ans. This needs serious discussion. I see many areas of difficulty. Your apprehensions about his future plans and the ensuing lifestyle needs attention. Your family background and attachments and your attitudes make you unsure about going abroad for a permanent settlement. This is a major area of differences and cannot be ignored. One of you will have to make a major change if both of you desire a future together. The question is who will make the change? People have priorities and negotiate their life around them. Both of you need to thrash it out together or with the help of a counsellor or a senior relative or friend. GH, Nagpur.
Q. I am an architect. I have completed my degree and post-graduation. But for 1.5 year, I don't have any job. I have applied in many offices but no response. I think because of my higher education they don't respond me. I am really confused. I need a job. What should I do? Can you please help me?
Ans. You could apply for a teaching post in a college. You could start your own business and start taking up small projects independently. You could work in a firm on pro-bono basis (work without a fee) for sometime so that you can connect to other people, customers and institutes. Another good practice is to visit the senior practicing architects and seek an interview with them. Meeting them in person helps a lot in getting jobs. Apply to corporate firms as there is so much development taking place in the city. Try appearing for government exams. Request a teacher of yours to help you connect to an architect. Explore all avenues to find work. You will succeed!
■ RITA AGGARWAL
(Consulting Psychologist)
Note: Readers are requested to write short queries in approx 150 to 200 words. Furthermore, do not use abbreviations in career queries to avoid confusion. The columnist can be reached at [email protected]