■ By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) :
Q. I am in a friendship with a boy for 2.5 years. He is an influencer.We were communicating on social media, because of our jobs at different places.We broke due to misunderstanding and then again we reconciled. But I'm not close with him like before as I'm upset with the past damage. But suddenly I feel someone is stalking. Worst is requests for sex, physical relationship etc. I’m a decent girl. My friend is the culprit? Why is he doing so?
Ans. We do not for sure if he is doing the mischief. It is just a conjecture of yours. It is possible someone from his network may be doing it. Your name must have figured among his network of friends and someone decided to have some fun at your cost. The internet social media has attained notoriety and women have to be careful of predators on the prowl. It's a cruel world out there and be very careful whom you befriend. The question ‘why he is doing it’ is actually irrelevant. The question should be ‘how to remain safe’. Delete your account or start blocking and reporting it as spam to the admin. Don't make friends with unknown people and don't post personal details and pictures. Keep it simple and straight. You don't find friends through social media. Think about your goal of indulging in the social media. What are your goals out there? What do you desire from it? Once clear use it carefully. P.L, Amravati.
Q. I have a very bad experience. I am under depression and attempted suicide twice. I am divorced and live alone. I met a man online and we became good friends. He invited me to Mumbai and said it will be a good holiday and he will arrange everything-stay and all. Like a fool, I believed in him. I was harassed and came back crying. I cannot tell you in this mail what happened. I am shocked and in serious mental illness. I have destroyed my life and want to die. Who will help me? I cannot tell my parents and nor my friends. I cannot share it with anybody.
Ans. A divorced woman like you can become vulnerable to men due to your weaknesses and emotional disturbances of a past bad marriage. Some persons can get wiser with a bad marriage and an experience of divorce. Divorced persons can generally get scarred due to the happenings in the bad marriage and may look for a sympathetic shoulder. That's where they can get ensnared by predators. They look for such easy victims to catch for their perverse sense of fun. Loneliness is on the increase as more marriages are breaking down and people are suffering. You should not harm yourself and torture yourself. Take good care of yourself instead and be compassionate with yourself. Learn to manage your emotions and re-connect with your parents and friends. Get involved in a hobby such as social work, helping the disadvantaged community, meditation classes and of course come for a few sessions of counselling. Get into a positive frame of mind and forget and forgive the past mistakes. Forgive yourself for what you have done to yourself. Pick up the lost threads of your life and look forward to better times. Give yourself a break from romantic involvements and men for a while and heal your mind and body. Get stronger inside and more in control of your mental emotions and thoughts. Use your intelligence in a proper way and become wiser. Then search for happiness outside. The worldly game is always played from the inside to outside. Best of luck to you.
Readers are requested to write short queries in approx 150 to 200 words. Furthermore, do not use abbreviations in career queries to avoid confusion. The columnist can be reached at [email protected]