■ By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) :
Q. I am 20 year- old girl. I am in a relationship since past three years. I have a boyfriend we are from same city, but for certain months we stayed in long distance relationship, we do trust each other a lot, he loves me a lot so do I, but we do have arguments, small fights. I am little emotional he understands this, but when we fight I just keep on crying and after certain level of argument I start self- harming such as hair pulling or banging my head, throwing things and scratching hands and legs with nails, I feel unloved I know that he cares for me, he asked me to practice meditation and visit psychologist for help. I sometimes feel he doesn’t love me I feel insecure though all things are well, I get angry easily if he forgets to tell me something, I think I need affection and love from him. I am confused and I don’t know what is happening with me. Please help me out.
Ans. Yes, you have a problem and you will need to correct some areas in your personality. You have rightly mentioned that ‘you need love and affection from him and when you don’t get it you feel insecure’. This itself is a good observation of your emotional needs and temperament. We all have emotional needs which seek fulfilment and we are lucky if we find the right persons who can do that for us. But remember it is not the other person’s duty to take care of our needs and you cannot fight for it. You can communicate to the other about your emotions and needs and that is all! Also remember there has to be a balance of your needs - if they are excessive and your need for attention and love is high - it indicates a need for ‘dependency’. You have mentioned negative symptoms such as a sense of insecurity, feeling unloved and finally harming yourself with behaviour such as crying, head banging, scratching yourself, throwing things. This seems like a tantrum when you are not getting what you want. Kids behave like this and we call it childish. When grown up persons behave like this we call it ‘immature’ behaviour. So you will need to grow up, take charge of your life, improve your weaknesses and develop your personality. Take sessions of counselling – it will help you. XYZ
Q. I am confused about my career. I do not know what should I do. I do not like Science not do I like Arts and not do I like Commerce. In fact I do not like to study too many fat books and do not like to write and read. My parents want me to choose typical career such as Engineering, Medicine, Law or Commerce. If I do a management degree they are okay with it but I am confused. I love to draw, paint and dance with music. I like to play games and socialise with my friends. I keep getting scolded by my parents for wasting my time in art and dance. I never scored in my school subjects and hated doing all that. I want to come for career guidance. Do I have a good chance of making a good career?
Ans. Yes, everyone can make a good career and a good life for themselves if they know what they want in life. It is not like old times when the choices for career making were few. In modern times, the choices in career making are several. If you have an artistic streak - you will find number of careers choices to make. We can help you with an aptitude test to know your abilities and make the right choices. If your artistic ability actually is good, then you need not worry at all for there are choices to make with science subjects and without science subjects. Some examples are – architecture, interior designing, graphic design, multi-media, fine arts, fashion designing and product design. There is commercial art as well which leads to advertising and has scope for jobs. There is great scope for art and design careers and are much in demand.You could do courses in dance and become a teacher. Do not worry- insist on a session on career counselling with your parents and bring them along.
Readers are requested to write short queries in approx 150 to 200 words. Furthermore, do not use abbreviations in career queries to avoid confusion. The columnist can be reached at rita_aggarwa[email protected]