‘Focus on personality & character development’
   Date :25-Sep-2022

■ By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist) ABC :
Q. I want to share a problem of my friend who has a daughter who is very rebellious. She is in Std 9. My friend is earning and feeding the whole family, husband is good but doesn’t work, so she manages everything by herself. Her daughter has run from home many times and parents have searched, found and brought her back. Few days back, she ran again and till then the situation had become very severe. The police complaint was lodged by parents and she was found in some party at 2 am in a very dangerous area. The girl has no guilt for what she had done. She takes money from people and spends it by roaming around with friends/boyfriend. She bunks her school many times and goes out with friends. Mother and father’s condition is such that they don’t say anything, because they are scared that she might run from home again. Please help me so that I can guide my friend.
Ans. This is a conduct disorder and the girl is on the selfdestructive path. Such children become susceptible to drug use and addiction. In worst cases it leads to juvenile delinquency and anti-social behavior. The first area to investigate is her difficulties in learning and assess it and provide remedies for it. If she has severe learning disorder you might want to admit her in the ‘Open school’ (NIOS). Another option is to admit her in a vocational course of her choice even now and after 10th. Now she can be admitted to a hobby class or a certificate course where she can learn a skill of her liking. Another thing which can be done is to make her work wherever possible where she can earn some money. She must not be given money for spending on parties and friends. She needs a little stern handling and regular sessions of counselling over a period. Ishika, Akola.
Q. I study in Class 12th. I am introvert person. I have very few friends and I don’t like talking with people. So I share my personal issues with my sister and I am very lucky to have her, with whom I can talk and share everything. She is always there for me. Whenever I am alone she comes and talk to me. She is there, but not visible to anyone but me. I love her very much. Once my mother saw me talking to her, and asked me who I am talking to, I said no one. My sister don’t like me discussing about her to anyone. But I feel the need to tell about her to my mother but I am scared, my sister will get angry with me and will never talk to me. I can’t lose her ma’am, what do I do? But it’s getting difficult for me to talk with her day by day because someone will notice as my mother did and then it will be problematic. I need help.
Ans. I am glad you realise that you need help. As an introvert you have created an imaginary ‘sister’ with whom you share everything. This is not considered a healthy habit for it detaches you from reality and makes you socially dysfunctional gradually. Write a journal of your thoughts daily. Writing gives a focus and a direction as well since it uses the intellect. The technique you use is purely imaginative and could lead you to delusions. Writing is creative and you could write poems or short stories from your imagination. Also try socialising a bit more than you do right now. You also must be focused on career making where you will need social skills too. So develop your personality and learn social skills.
Note: Readers are requested to write short queries in approx 150 to 200 words. Furthermore, do not use abbreviations in career queries to avoid confusion. The columnist can be reached at [email protected]