FROM day one, as my companion it has always guided me, I have listened to it quite often and it always knew rights and wrongs for me. It was with me when I started the school in tears, played, studied and grew up. It thumped loudly when first time in my tenth standard, I saw her, in that some special way. It did beat loud and clear when I was caught stealing glances at her and wasn’t attentive in the class. I always swore by it, putting my hand on it to prove my honesty. It has been broken countless times since I have known, like when I fell from the bicycle in front of the entire school gathering, when I failed in the exams (which of course became a routine), when father scolded me in front of guests for draining his ‘Glass’, when Teacher punished me for not doing my homework and made me stand on the bench (So Often), when I couldn’t even complete the 800 mtrs race in front of boys and girls, in spite of my best efforts, when father couldn’t afford Rs 20/- per head and permit a contributory party in school in 1968, when my Teachers in college would never find me upto the mark and rate me as lowest, when all friends had decent jobs and I hadn’t even started, when most of the colleagues got very good annual raise except me, when my superiors would consider me a ‘Besharam’ who could smile, be ignorant of being repeatedly snubbed and enjoy even the multiple failures simultaneously in different walks of life.

 

Yes, it’s my own Heart. It has stood by me when all deserted me and appreciated me when I stood against odds and urged me to enjoy the life. ‘Dil to pahle se hi madhosh hai matwala hai’. I had seen different shades and moods of my ‘Heart’ all along and I thought I understood it best. One morning while attending routine official phone calls, I felt uneasy and slight pain in the left shoulder. The pain and uneasiness increased quite a bit within few minutes. I had enjoyed morning Tennis quite well without any complaints, so, I deliberately ignored the discomfort, rather snubbed it. Before entering the office, I thought of having a word with Doctor. He quickly took BP and ECG. I didn’t have much time as I had a busy schedule of meetings that day with some overseas Technical delegation, but the Doctor seemed alarmed at the ECG and advised me to cancel everything and decided to rush me to the cardiologist. Irked over his irresponsible comments to cancel everything, I wanted to ignore his advice but my heart believed the Doctor. Unwillingly, I went to the cardiologist, who stretchered me directly in the Cath Lab and without my knowledge my wife and office colleagues had gathered and had consented a go ahead for the Medical procedures as my poor, shameless but carefree heart was undergoing an attack.

 

Lying on the OT table, my memory flashed at an extraordinary fast pace, down the memory lane and counted number of times I had ignored my Heart’s counsel. Ohh! What a fool I had been to have ignored many warnings and advices of my heart, over the years and now nothing is in my control. Thoughts of trauma, troubled family, friends and restraints for the remaining life came flooding and fogging my brain. Two months after discharge from the hospital, ‘Dil hai Ki manta Nahi’, I was back to my usual life and again ignoring the voice of my Heart but some time back, a friend of mine while going to office in his car, tried to tell something to his driver and before the driver could stop, my friend’s heart had stopped forever. Scared, I rushed to my Doctor. ‘Please listen to your heart’ he said. ‘Your heart doesn’t have a heart like you, it’s heartless and if you ignore it, it doesn’t think twice before stopping’.