AFTER seeing J. Lo’s film Mother, I had the epiphany that raising self-sufficient, resilient kids is the genuine measure of motherly love. Indian moms are conditioned to hold their children close to them both literally and figuratively. They cry when they are split up. It is misunderstood that crying for their children shows affection for them. A powerful and strong mother is viewed as a nonchalant individual. In her film, J Lo, a professional murderer, hides away from her young daughter while yet providing for her. Her sole concern is for her daughter’s protection. She never gives her a hug or shows any sign of affection. Her love is incredibly sustaining. By chance, I saw this film the week before my daughter was scheduled to leave for a fresh start. She was leaving my sight for the first time. I kept myself occupied all day long making plans for her stay away from home, but at night my subconscious would trouble me. Other family members felt the same level of worry that I did, when my baby (graduate engineer) was considering relocating. My husband and I kept reassuring each other that she is mature enough, and capable of managing in an unfamiliar setting.

 

Lack of effort to escape the cocoon prevents the larvae from growing powerful wings. The narrative of the larvae developing into butterfly, is a highly important lesson in itself. Although we are all familiar with this tale, we continue to spoil our children and refuse to let them develop individuality. It’s easier said than done. I was trying to come out as very strong in front of my kid, but as I left her off, I realised I had a lot of emotions bottled up inside of me. I made the decision not to put my mind under pressure and sobbed uncontrollably as I left by the bus. I dropped her off in Mumbai and then took a bus to Pune to meet my mother. My bus broke down because of the heavy weather, and it took me nine hours to travel to Pune. As a mother, I was crying for my child, while my mother was anxiously awaiting my arrival on the other side. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and I could tell from the way she spoke on phone that she was in distress because her daughter was stranded on the expressway.

 

As these feelings were at their peak, everyone was abruptly prompted to board another bus. Every time, serendipity occurs and teaches vital lessons. I just so happened to be sitting next to a psychologist who specialises in parent-child counselling. I found comfort in his words of knowledge. He advised me that happiness is fleeting and that it is a grave error to equate it with objects and feelings. A person is sad if he/she has no children, miserable with unkind children, or unhappy with extremely nice children who depart for a successful career of their own. However, ‘Dil to bacha hai ji’ stays true. So, how can you discipline your thoughts, manage your emotions, and yet portray strength in front of your children? I suppose if the love is sincere and true, the feelings will settle down with time. The genuine definition of love is to be selfless and let your children explore their own world and potential.