Dr Google Paging
   Date :19-Jan-2025

Dr  Google Paging
 
 
By Aasawari Shenolikar :
 
Since the time Internet has made inroads into my life,the one thing that I have learnt is that if you Google something, Google will instantly help youout with almost any query under the Sun.On second thoughts, let’s delete that ‘almost’ and stick to ‘every question, query, doubt’. Google, over a period of time, has turned everyone into a genius. Because Google helps me out at the drop of a hat, it is but natural that I call Google my BFF.
 
Be it work wise or on a personal level, Google is ever ready to give its valuable inputs. However, for one reason aloneIwill forever be indebted to this friend - for it has helped me become what I had always dreamt of but couldn’t achieve it for I was unable to clear the exams - the dream of wearing a white coat and have a ‘Dr.’ prefixed in front of my name. Google has fulfilled this dream - to a certain extent - and today, even though I do not have Dr. before my name,Iam a self-proclaimed, self-taught Doctor. I am not the only beneficiary -thanks to the all knowing, omnipresent Dr. Google,Iand countless others have all earned honorary medical degrees from the University of Hypochondria. Have a headache? Google it. Strange blot on the arm? Google it.
 
Woke up with a sore throat? Of course, Google it. It all starts off as a mild curiosity, and inevitably spirals into a full-blown existential crisis. Strange white blot on the arm doesn’t just stop short of a ‘dry patch’ that needs a generous coat of a moisturising lotion; the Internet takes you into a labyrinthine maze, posing questions and more questions - so that in the end, Dr Google turns your simple query into a diagnosis of ‘rare tropical disease no one’s heard of since 1842.’ Haven’t we all typed in ‘remedy for cold’ and found responses that have many a time not only cured us of the ailment, but also saved us money that we would have shelled out if we had visited a medico. I mean, why bother visiting an actual doctor who spent a decade studying medicine when you can type ‘stomach pain right side’ and discover you’re hosting as mall alien colony in your intestine? Right!! Not only does it tell you what could be wrong, it flashes remedies too, within seconds.I can visualises cores of my medico friends - how they’d love to get their hands around my neck right now. But it’s notmyfault.Thefaultlieswiththesearch engine. My self-diagnosis journeyhasoftenbegun on an innocent note.
 
I noticed a weird twitch in my eyelid. When we were young, a twitch in the left eye indicated some thing good was on the anvil, in the right eye implied something evil was coming your way. No longer is it so! A quick search reveals it’s either ‘too much caffeine’ or the harbinger of something called myoclonic dystopia. OMG! That sounds ominous, and so I delve more deeply into it. The cursor moves to the symptoms checklists. “Do you also have fatigue, dizziness, or irritability?” Uh-oh, I had a headache two weeks ago. That counts, right? By the time I close my browser, Dr Google has managed to convince me that I am moments away from starring in my own tragic medical drama. Google knows I am hooked to Grey’s Anatomy, and to curry favour, knows which buttons to hit.
 
I don’t know whether it is to allay all my fears, or to add to them, or just because Google knows I have great science background, it, more often than not,leads met oavery specialised site,WebMD, the granddaddy of online symptom-checking. WebMD doesn’t suggest I might be seriously ill-it practicallyguarantees it.I typed,‘Stubbedmytoe.’ ‘Clearly a sign of impending gangrene,’ popped up. My eyes popped out of their sockets. ‘Sneezed twice?’There sponse that I received could be translated into - ‘Don’t bother with tissues; start drafting your will’. However, to be fair to the site, every search ends with the ominous advice: ‘Consult a doctor immediately,’ which is, ironically, what I was trying to avoid in the first place. Armed with information and knowledge picked up from various sites, we’ve all qualified to be ‘unqualified doctors.’ And we leave no stone unturned t oshow-off the knowledgeg leaned from Dr Google. At every get-together, we come across that one person who’s a self-procaimed expert on everyone else’sailments .“Oh,you have acidity? You know, that’s how ulcers start. Google says you should eat only boiled cabbage for the next month.” Many a time,Itoo find myself showing off my half-baked knowledge. DoIrue it ever? Nope. But worse is when two ‘Google doctors’ meet. In my case, Guddu and I, from our closest gang of friends, are Google experts, turning every conversation into a battle of obscure diseases. With most of us on the wrong side of late fifties and early sixties, discussing joint pains has become a regular feature during our meetings. “I think your joint pain could be lupus,” I told my husband, who was lamenting about his aches. “Nah, it's probably ankylosing spondylitis. Did you check Mayo Clinic?” quipped Guddu. Meanwhile, the actual patient appeared dumbstruck, wondering why he broached the subject at all. However,Iand scores of Google doctors, do not stop at self-diagnosis. What is the point if, after seriously study ing about various ailments, one is not able to self-cure. Well, Google is everready tohelp- and will reveal a host of herbal concoctions, bizarre exercises, and dubious detox diets. For instance, turmeric-once a humble spice-is now hailed as the solutionto everything from acne to existential dread. Mix it with honey, add a dash of lemon, stand on one leg while chanting‘Om,’ and voila! Cancer-free in 24 hours. Siddhu will confirm it! Google readily throws at you the many infamous‘internet hacks.’Got a sore throat? Garglevinegar(burns your throat,buthey, no pain, no gain). Toothache? Rub garlic onit(you’ll stillneed a dentist, but atleast vampires will stay away). By the end, you might not be cured, but you definitely are a walking salad dressing. I have very closely seen the other side of the coin too - for many of my closest friends are medicos. And we’ve discussed such scenarios many a time.“Beinganactual doctor in this age of self-diagnosis is very harrowing,” says Dr Sutapa Roy, an expert in her chosen field, who laments that “Patients arrive not with symptoms but withfully formed conclusions.
 
‘Doctor,I’m here because Google says I have chronic Lyme disease.’” “Then why come to me if you alreadyknow what you are sufferingfrom,”she asked the patient. “The pharmacist will not give me medicine without a prescription,” he replied. She tried explaining that it was just a seasonal allergy, but he didn’t buy it. Worse than this, Sutapa says, is “when patients bringprintedPDFsoftheirGooglefindings.I want to scream, ‘I didn’t spend years in medical school to be second-guessed by a search engine!’” But sense prevails, and she doesn’t yell. Instead, she nods and explains, for the hundredth time that day,why the patient does not have bubonic plague. Every Doctor is helped by a dedicated team of nurses, and Dr Google has found his team in the social media. Have you ever tried posting any query-a simple one,‘I am suffering from headache’ on the social media.
 
The over-enthusiastic experts switch on the active mode immediately, and your comment box is flooded with advice. “Have you tried meditation?” “Drink the juice of carrots every morning!” “Couldbethestartofapandemic,checkGoogle!” Social media is replete with many groups - for instance the Facebook mom groups, in particular, are a goldmine of unsolicited medical expertise.Go ta fever?Forget paracetamol-apply the juice of onions on your feet.Never mind if the bed,sheets, the quilt, the room smells of onions, but apparently, it works! Jokes apart-we need to be aware that depending on Dr Google can be unpredictable. Forif during your search for‘cold hands,’Google might suggest Raynaud’s disease or frostbite, but if you dig a little deeper, Google will go completely go offtangent and suddenly you’ll find yourself reading about how to survive an Arctic expedition. Like all inventions and discoveries, Dr. Google is also both a blessing and a curse.Without a shade of doubt, it’s a handy tool for quick information, but this is also the reason for turning many of us into part-time hypochondriacs and full-time annoyances. Maybe it’s time to leave medicine to the professionals and use Google for what it was truly meant for: finding funny dog videos. Untilthen, let’s all agree to stop diagnosing ourselves. Unless, of course, you’ve sneezed twice today. In that case, better Google it-just to be safe.