‘Look for solutions’
    Date :16-Feb-2025

Look for solutions
 
By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist)
 
Q. My friend is a top student, always striving for perfection. Lately, she's been having trouble sleeping, her grades have dropped, and she's withdrawn from her friends. Her parents are concerned about her anxiety and potential burnout. Even though we can see she studies well and is trying to manage everything, she is never satisfied and always says, "I've not done my best". This is not letting her be happy and she has become cranky. What can we do to help her?
 
Ans. As a good friend you can do lots to help her. She may be a perfectionist sort of person and never happy with whatever she does. Such people have underlying anxiety which pushes them to be apprehensive and doubtful about themselves. One way is to give her enough time to listen to her without interrupting her. During the listening you will realise the logical fallacies. Try pointing that out to her although I doubt if she will agree to that easily. Nevertheless, point out the illogical thought patterns politely and ask her to reflect on them. Secondly, avoid giving any advice actively, such as, saying things like ‘get out of this’, ‘you will be fine’, ‘stop worrying’. Such quick fixes do not help at all. In fact, reassuring her and teaching her relaxation techniques or breathing techniques will help. Take her to a Yoga class/teacher and help her. Tell her to exercise, cycling, running, jogging, any sport that will help her. In Yoga there is ‘Yog Nidra’ that will help her sleep well. Try this or then bring her for a session. XYZ
 
Q. I am a single father, working hard to make ends meet. My wife passed away due to an accident and year back and I am constantly exhausted, feeling overwhelmed by my responsibilities, and struggling to cope with the stress of raising my child alone. There are times I want to cry, but am not able to, which makes me numb. My one child is too young to understand or process the loss fully, but the absence of mother does make her sad. I feel like ending my life but the only reason I'm doing all this is for my child. I have a lot to say, but don't feel like sharing it with anyone either. Please help me.
Ans. Now, this is an unfortunate situation to be in. I can understand your grief and it does take time for the mind to accept the situation and heal. You do not mention about your other family members, your parents or siblings who can step in to help you out. Perhaps it is not advisable for you to manage alone a job and a small child who needs full time attention. Talk to your family for help and consider a foster parent for her within the family members for a few years when you can take her back again into your custody. Many parents would do that for two reasons, one, to give the child the proper atmosphere for nurturance and two, to relieve your responsibility temporarily. In the long run, you may consider re-marriage for the benefit of you and the child. Meanwhile, keep calm and consider alternate solutions. 
 
 

rita agrawal 
 By RITA AGGARWAL (Consulting Psychologist)
 
Note: Readers are requested to write short queries in approx 150 to 200 words. Furthermore, do not use abbreviations in career queries to avoid confusion. The columnist can be reached at [email protected] or visit www.manodaya.org for further details.