THE emotional mother of the bride got pushed a side, and the father wisely chose to make way on his own.The oral commands were being followed by everyone, including the bride and groom. An entire team of professionals was running the show…oops,wedding.The choreographer, the camerapersons and the make-up artists were all ready to give their best performance. The regular relatives became obstacles and were politely put in their place, time and again by the Event Management team. Who needs the bua insisting ‘kaala teeka zaroor lagana’ when every inch of the bridal makeup is planned and there is no scope for any last-minute inputs! Much has changed dramatically. The bridal entry is nothing like it was before the filmy invasion.Intheeraofblackandwhite photography, it would be a demure, shy, charming bride holding a floral jaimaala, walkinggracefullytowardsthe stage with her excited younger cousins crowding around her to be a part of her life’s major milestone.

 

The groom would be waitingeagerlytocatchaglimpse of her through the floral sehera, conscious of how many eager eyeswereonhimtoseeifhiseyes had met hers yet or not! The elders would be singing traditional songs that reminded them of their own weddings! The entire familywouldbeagogwithexcitementandeveryrelativehadarole to play. They all added spice to the entire affair and many stories were born that were retold in varying versions, depending on who the narrator was. The cameraman sought to capture the emotions authentically and often created a pool of photographsthatbecamefamilytreasures. Like when the groom’s father was caught looking and smiling at the gulab jamunpyramid on the young uncle’s plate. Or when the bride was captured glancingshylyatthegroom,who was too busy bargaining with thosewhowere‘jootachors’.What was she trying to tell him…a questionthatwouldleadtomuch laughter and guesses whenever the wedding album surfaced.

 

Pre-recorded wedding songs wererare.Thefamily’sartistsand musicians came together and sang the Ganesh Vandana, Swagatgaan,Jaimaal and whole rangeofdholakpairedtraditional songs. The dancing was spontaneoustoo…witheventhebride’s father joining the baraatis joyfully at times! The creative cousins would make parodies of popular songs and tell the story of how the groom and bride had first met. That beautiful beautician Bhabhi, who knew what each of the young ladies would like, was the family’s go-to person for getting the bride ready on her big day.The brothers and boysinthefamilywouldberushingaround,ensuringallthefolks with fragile egos were being taken good care of and had been served every specialdishtilltheywantednomore. Theweddingswereafamilyaffair. Everyone had an active role to play. It was a time to discover the dormanttalentoftheextended family…the singers, dancers, the problem solvers, the creatives, the mithai mates and some crisis managers too.

 

The galawedding was a much awaited occasion bringing together families in emotional embrace celebrating each other too. Then the Filmy invasion happened. Socialmediafloodedthecommon man’s lifewith details of big fat weddings of Bollywood celebrities that were choreographed and planned by professionaleventmanagers.So bridal entry took a new meaning because one actress decided to come dancing down the lane towards the hero who had become her groom. This suddenlybecamethegoalwithevery bride in every small town doing her own imitation of that. Middle-class parents began to compete with social media feed, going overboard and spending hard-earnedmoneyonfrivolous frills that had little or no role in strengthening human bonds.

 

The photographers began to call the shots, making a mockery of the traditional ceremonies by asking for retakes till they got a perfect picture. Through social media, filmy songs,filmycostumes,filmyculture invaded the weddings of non-filmy, common people and createdaparallelversionofoverthe-top celebrations. The money minting formula caught the imagination of many who became the new VIPs in family weddings. From the lens of a social scientist,thetransitiontofilmyweddingsisinteresting.Socialbonds are being redefined and relationshipsaregoingthroughasea change.Peerpressureisnolonger what it used to be in terms of creating barriers and boundaries. Financial freedom is making the youth independent in terms of behavioural choices like never before. The seniors in the familyareacceptingtheirownchanging roles aswell as a reduced circle of influence. There is a trickle-down of newly acquired elementsoflifestylechoicesreplacing tradition. Commercialisation of every aspect of the wedding celebrations has created a new subculture.

 

The highly trained expert professional photographer is focused on delivering results. In his scheme of things, anyone who is spoiling the perfect picture can be pushed aside, be it the emotionally charged mother of the bride or the excited kid brother of the groom.The dance routines often resemble cultural programmes in schools and colleges,withthechoreographer evengivinginstructionsoutloud. Perform or perish …seems like the new mantra with uncomfortablenon-dancersinthefamily trying hard to keep pace and follow the steps thatwere taught during several hours of practice! The time and effort spent on bridal makeup with numerous products, multiple layers, and even false eyelashes create a completely different look , not always the best version of a naturally glowing bride. Elders in the family tell us how the haldi and ubatan ceremony made the bride achieve a unique and special glow on her big day. The filmy trend to appear larger than life is growing by the day, and spontaneous, authentic weddings are few and far between. All is not lost, though. The appeal of a graceful bride and traditional charm still does catch the fancy of the social media drivers even now, as did thewedding of a young, dynamicMember ofParliament and his immensely talented and charming bride from the South recently. Personal choice reigns supreme, and there is no onesize-fits-all here. What looks appealing on social media, in a celebrity wedding being choreographed by best professionals in domain, may not be a suitable template for all.Itis for each one of us to choose wisely and choose well, who will call the shots when it comes to band, baaja, baraat and living happily ever after! (The author is Psychologist, Trainer, Founder Arunima Ankuran) ■