Insight

‘Do a reality check’

S D, Bhilai Q. I passed engineering a few years ago. I lost my good job during Corona and now with difficulty I found another one which is not in line with my specialty. I don’t enjoy the work; I work from home and they load it all on me. I hate it and want to leave it, but my family wants me to continue to suffer because of the money. Every day I have fights and I am feeling stressed and depressed. They shoot me down and ask me to continue. I hate everyone for doing this to me. Can you guide me, ..

Trust issues

Q. I am confused about my situation. I was very good friends with a guy in college. But when he cheated on me, I broke all contact. But the girl he was dating then, was cheating on him. And I told him the same. We became very close again after that. Months passed: he told me that they broke up. I asked him to show me the chat on his phone. But he refused. I got hurt but I trusted him again thinking that he needs some space and privacy.This time my feelings for him were not that strong because I was ..

Cyber Terrorism: China’s New Weapon Against India

The series of cyber attacks on financial capital Mumbai, National Stock Exchange (NSE), on the IT systems of two coronavirus vaccine-makers Serum Institute of India (SII) and Bharat Biotech in the last few months was assertion of China’s asymmetric warfare changing gears even as troops of both the countries go through the disengagement process at friction points in eastern Ladakh. ..

Non-State Surveillance And End Of Privacy

Often one hears of X or Y nationState turning into a ‘Surveillance State’ or ‘police state’. The activists vociferous about the use of these terms often are associated with groups that come up with reports projecting one or the other country as acting against privacy of people or suppressing the so-called democratization of data. However, none of these activists sadly raise the question as to ‘who’ is helping such nation-States with technologies used in ‘surveillance’? Here comes the role of non-State ..

‘Social media predators on the prowl’

Q. I am in a friendship with a boy for 2.5 years. He is an influencer.We were communicating on social media, because of our jobs at different places.We broke due to misunderstanding and then again we reconciled. But I'm not close with him like before as I'm upset with the past damage. But suddenly I feel someone is stalking. Worst is requests for sex, physical relationship etc. I’m a decent girl. My friend is the culprit? Why is he doing so?..

‘Thrash out the differences’

Q. I love a girl and want to marry her. She is from another caste and family is conservative. I am scared to tell her, but I know she knows that I love her. Her friends tease her with my name. She is the best girl in the world and she is best for me. I cannot think of anyone else, I have been liking her and loving her from many years. How to proceed further is the biggest problem. What if she rejects me, the fear of which leaves me with a broken heart. Please help me. I don't have a brother or sister ..

‘Focus on self and not others’

Q. I am a student studying in Class 12. I have a major issue of concentration. Due to overthinking, I make up scenarios in my mind and keep thinking about it again and again. If I am going outside for a party or to my friend’s house that means I cannot study that day after coming back due to overthinking that moments and making scenarios in my head. I often compare myself with others and feel very upset as I am trying to be more social because..

‘Career planning should start early’

Q. I am a student of first year college and I am confused about my career. I have taken Commerce, but I feel it is not my line of choice. I don’t know what I want to do and I never enjoyed my studies in school. I was more of an outdoor person enjoying meeting people, sports, games and parties. My father is a businessman and wants me to join the business and therefore asked me to take Commerce. I seem to enjoy travelling photography and seeing new cultures. I truly don’t know what I am supposed ..

‘Get an online aptitude test done’

Ans. I can appreciate your dilemma about enjoying reading books and writing stories and wanting to make a career in the same area. Your parents are interested in pushing you into a course of engineering and hence admitted you to IIT coaching. Since becoming an author and a successful one at that is a high- risk career option, most parents feel anxious about making it a career choice right away. There are many ways of going about it. One way is to get into English language and literature..

‘Follow your instinct in career choices’

S.M.K Q.: At 16 years of age, I am a very confused person. I did very well in my 10th CBSE exam despite the coronavirus pandemic. Then everything got stalled. But at home, a storm raged about my possible career choice. My family wants me to pursue Engineering -- IIT in particular. They have been pushing me to join this or that tuition class and then prepare for national entrance tests. My elder sister is pushing ..

‘Devi’ne Intervention

I t is this unwavering faith in the Divine Mother that gives many of us the strength to keep striving in life inspite of failures, big or small. But then, it is probably also the blind faith among some of us that makes them commit sins sans any remorse. Clinging on to positivism, given the world that we live in today, we definitely need the former clan to grow stronger. And what better time to seek Ma Durga’s blessings than the Durgotsava. In a land brimming with festivals, there are none like the ..

‘Sharing burden works for joint family’

Q1: My brother is in Class 10. He does not study at all, rather goes out whole day with some bad boys. He keeps our mother’s phone all the time with him and does not give it back to her. He back-answers, uses abusive words, does not listen to parents. So many arguments take place between my mom and him.Whenever this happens, I get stressed out. Sometimes, I start crying and over-react at times.I don’t understand w..

THE RECYCLE MAN OF INDIA

M illions saw the apple fall. But Newton asked why. Millions were aware of the fact that a chewing gum can easily be removed with a piece of paper and that this paper with the gum, after a point of time sets and hardens. But it was young Binish Desai, all of eleven years old then, who pondered and wondered why. His curiosity got the better of him, and it’s not without reason that we say that curiosity is the engine of achievement. For, it was this hard ball made of a mixture of chewing gum and paper ..

‘Meditate, exercise to stay calm’

Q1: My father is 65 years old and is suffering from diabetes and hypertension. He has not been well for a month, and was admitted to a hospital last month for a few days. He has not recovered still. This is making me very worried about him. I am not able to have good night’s sleep and get bad dreams of death. This is affecting my health. I am unable to concentrate on my work. How do I come out of this situation?..

Happiness is with and within you

Q: You would say that everything appears to be fine with me -- a good job, apparent good health, a decent house, a fairly happy marriage, a little nice kid, and a career that often brings good news of pay hike or promotion, even in these COVID-19 times. I go to work -- from home. I spend whatever time with family. Yet, I have lost interest in things. I have lost appetite, and get disturbed when my wife pushes me to eat. My nights are spent staring in the darkness as I cannot enjoy sound sleep. I feel ..

Taking a gap in education is not helpful

Q.: Me and my friend had break-up with our partners and we told each other about that. He still follows ex-girl friend who does not respond to him at all. She loves some other guy with whom, too, she is uncertain. But my friend’s behaviour for me is bothering me sometimes as he is happy with me chatting all ..

Every Setback Is A Comeback

A wife on her deathbed called her husband and whispered “Keep romance in the lives of our children”. It was an impressive parting message which, as we reflect upon it, is deep with wisdom. She knew that all who meditate seriously upon life must know that the passing years make a terrific assault upon the zest of man’s spirit unless he exercises care. Napoleon said: “Men grow old quickly on the battlefields; they do in life also unless they are vigilant. Charles Lamb once declared: “Our spirits grow ..

Clear your mind

Q1. I was in a relationship for three years. Then she moved out of the city and one day she told me that I am not fit for her future, because she wants normal life consisting of husband and kids, which being a girl I cannot give her. She was never committed to me. But I was very confident about my love. That I thought would be impossible for her to get over me. I was wrong. She made out with a guy in her city and probably she is in love with him. I am doing fine. I am just a normal person with people ..

THE ART OF LEADING YOURSELF

“S uccess is measured by the price a person is willing to pay. A winner is simply a man or woman who has become all that he or she ever dreamed of becoming.” Police Service in India has not grown out of the needs of the people. The Police was set-up and has evolved out of the institutions designed to serve the holding of the British and safeguard their interests at a low cost. Common people believe that the Police have been created and are expected to act as the conscious keeper of society but that ..

THINGS DON’T CHANGE, You Change The Way You Look

Although we consider criticism to be negative, it can actually be positive in helping us improve ourselves. In fact, no one enjoys criticism. We would like to believe that whatever we do is right even though we know that it is not true. When we do make mistakes, we would rather pretend that no one has noticed. But people do notice and sometimes they point out our errors. It may be their intention that we don’t repeat those mistakes in fu..

BEHAVIOUR Is The Mirror In Which One Shows His Image

G eorge Bernard Shaw wrote: “You see things, and you say ‘why?’ Others dream things that never were and say ‘why not?’” Most of us have far more ability than we think of coasting through life is fine as long as you are downhill but if you are going to climb a mountain then you better start your engine. It is not that people don’t want to; they don’t know how? If we show them how they will certainly pick up and do it. Mediocrity is for the mass..

‘Maintenance of mental health must’

Q. My friend left me and is always showing anger when I call her. She says not to disturb her as she is studying hard and wants to become a big person. She is very ambitious and was planning to go abroad for higher education. Even in the lockdown condition, she continues to say India is not so good as foreign universities and she must go out. I don’t want to leave India and I have to look after my parents as I am a single child of my parents. They love me and I care for my mother a lot. My father ..

Growth Is The Only Evidence Of Life

I saw once a board on the table of my colleague: “At the end of our lives we don’t regret the things at which we failed but regret the things we wished but never attempted”. The four principles to be followed in life are a clear goal, a definite plan, confidence and no fear of failure. The goal is more important because without it we are lost. But, equally vital is banishing the fear of failure. If we can develop a no-fear mentality we will be able to begin our journey and proceed ahead to reach the ..

When Galileo Underwent Quarantine!

I talian astronomer-physicist Galileo Galilei had some torrid time in the 1630s- he wasinpoorhealth, faced a house arrest and a trial due to a controversial book and also had to undergo quarantine for almost a month becauseoftheragingplaguethen,recounts a new book. Galileo and the Science Deniers is a historical biography on the life of Galileo by astrophysicist Mario Livio which gives a glimpse into the life of a “manwho was intellectually radical and well ahead of his time”. Galileo’s journey as ..

Repetition Of The Same Thought Makes Everything Possible

The mountaineer who does not cease moving when he reaches the top of the mountain can go only in one direction downwards. Like the Sun at its glory, zenith can only descend. Under conditions of desire, enlightenment cannot be obtained as it cannot occur. Our life is an odyssey. We are always on our way into something or out of something. It is not aimless, chancy wandering. It is the movement of fire on a mountain which travels in an unrelenting pursuit of its own fuel, a search for its continuing ..

‘Making difficult choices’

Q. I am 34 years old. I was an average student and working in the Middle East since 2017. My father passed away 10 years ago. I have faced many money-related difficulties in my life. We are a family of four siblings consisting of an elder sister, elder brother and a younger brother. Only my elder brother is married. These days, I am under a bit of a pressure to get married, but finding a life partner is not easy. Moreover, in my company, we are entitled to 60 days leave after completion of two years ..

Charkhole: Whispering Sky & Silent Mountains

When our train crossed Kisanganj in Bihar and reentered Bengal, I had no reason to notice any change in landscape because in this part of geography it is hard to differentiate between Bengal and Bihar. Here the zigzag railway track heading to Siliguri frequently runs between two bordering states. Soon we started getting ready to disembark at NJP station from where our onwards journey to the hills was planned. Suddenly there was enough to explode in joy. We all were in celebration mode to catch the ..

SUCCESS MEANS Different Things To Different People

There is the story of the Zen Master who considered a thief to be one of his teachers. He stayed with the thief for three months. Every night the thief would go out to steal and he would return empty handed. But he continued his efforts because he believed that one day he would be successful. It became clear that anyone who had the patience that the thief had was bound to succeed. There was a father who used to play with his son everyday, when he returned from office. One day he was not in a mood ..

‘Break out of loneliness’

Q. I am a 2nd year student of Bsc having Physics, Statistics and Mathematics as the subjects. I want to pursue my career as Marketing Executive or Sales or Advertising or a Newscast or any similar type of career. As I have great interest in these areas and fortunately I have a good personality and communication skills. Please guide me ma'am which way should I choose? ..

POST-PANDEMIC ARCHITECTURE

There is something extremely belligerent about the way development is imagined in today’s world. The intent of development is so consumed by individual measures of profitability that the greater good is hardly ever on the radar. Not only are these extremely myopic futuristic strategies, but also highly self-centered. The turning away of one’s focus from the bigger picture or simply by putting on blinders of ignorance will not push the problem away from the human race. In fact by doing so, the threat ..

‘Be grateful for what you have’

Q. I am locked in a relative’s home, which is in Delhi and I live in Bengal. I was on a visit for a short time and I and my wife got stuck here. It is comfortable and there is no problem here, but I am feeling somewhat depressed as the months go by. I was busy in my home with my friends and neighbours and would do little work with my business. Actually, I am retired and my children manage the business, but they would consult me from time to time. Now they are managing well and I am bored here. Nothing ..

To Succeed, We Must Believe That We Can

Once a great painter was sitting and throwing stones into a wayside pool and watching the play of light and shade upon the ripples. An ordinary man moving towards the town saw him and envied him. The ordinary man has to work throughout the day but this fellow was wasting his time. The painter was doing nothing constructive. The ordinary person murmuring and mumbling went to town and was returning after performing his task. He was amazed to see the same painter sitting near the same pool and throwing ..

Weddings 2.0

W eddings across the globe have been put on hold for the time being, resulting in a ‘Domino Effect’, thanks to the pandemic. Most weddings are expected to be pushed to the latter half of 2020 orthe beginning of 2021. However, on the brighter side, in lieu of the nationwide lockdownto-be-weds can utilise this time to better plan their wedding once the virus threat is down to negligible. The ‘New Normal’for celebrating weddings in the post-COVID-19 world is going to be different. With social distancing ..

‘Plan for future, not worry for future’

Q. I am in job but now I fear they are dropping people one by one. They are asking us to take less salary and many have said yes and some have said no Ithink. My anxiety has gone up and I cannot sleep. I have a family to take care of. What should I do? Should I look for some kind of business?..

Create The Habit Of Going The Extra Mile

A lmost any important task can be used as a vehicle for personal development. Work can be a path for personal growth and development. We can choose to make any of the tasks as a spiritual discipline, a discipline in the service of our own evolution. We can take the principles that build our personality and use our work as an arena in which to apply them with the result that both performance and personality will rise. We can take the same principle and apply them in any relationship that will flourish ..

‘Make each one responsible’

A Mother Q. My son is in college and due to Covid he is at home with us and doing nothing. I keep telling him to study a bit daily, otherwise he will lose touch with subjects and will spoil his habit too. His father does not say anything to him at all for he is also doing nothing sitting at home. He does not even talk to him or discuss with him future situation. All they do is eat, sleep and watch TV the whole day. Please advise...

‘Make your own choices’

Q. I am confused about my career. I had taken Science on the advice of parents and teachers, but I realise it is not for me. I have not done well in my Std 12 exams and do not expect much. I want to switch to Commerce, but how to convince my parents? They are very keen I go to IIT and that is making me sleepless and nervous. They have made it an issue with their friends that I will go to IIT. I was a good student till Std 10 and so they think I am Einstein. I must die for science and live for it. ..

‘Career time’

Q. I would like to state my issue. I fell for a respectable man four years ago. We met through family. I was swept by him because I found him a balanced person. We continued with chats for more than a year. He never committed. He was a divorcee, who didn't want to take the plunge again, but I liked his friendship as he was intelligent and grounded. Gradually he started losing interest. For the past 19 months he has read my posts, but not responded. I feel traumatised. My requests have no effect. I ..

‘Follow Covid-19 guidelines and relax’

Q.I am a patient of anxiety disorder and have few obsessions too.I have become very restless and worried with this pandemic. My sleep has reduced and I worry for me and my family. I am trying to control the situation, but are there ways of helping people like me. I am sure everyone is anxious, but I am more so...

‘Getting rid of mobile addiction’

Q.Ma'am, I hadmyBoardexams (PCB) now I am preparing for NEET exam. Earlier, when I confronted my parents about my interest of pursuing in Medical field, they disapproved, demoralised and were highly critical about it. Now they want me to do that when I changed my mind. Ma'am I want to join Civil Services, please tell me which subjects to choose after 12th. Thanks!..

Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude

Who and what we surround ourselves with has a great deal to do with creating an environment that either champions us to be all we can be or sabotages us in this effort. When people support the values in daily life, we can say that we have succeeded. Every day that you live you are either experiencing by choice you are a victim of your environment.You are either living out of your values or at the whims of your ego. You are the source of everything that shows up around you. Most of us want to be more ..

Why rapes will not stop in India?

Four hangings as splints for a fracturing land. In caste-inequity normative India -- where mythology is becoming history, politically-inconvenient histories being pathologised, “antinational” students baton-whipped, minorities being demonised, rights selectively denied: all, viscerally-approved by majoritarianism -- its as if these hangings ..

‘Clear the career confusions’

Q. Ma’am I have appeared for my std 12 (CBSE) exam but had a compartment in maths subject. Due to some issues I was not able to appear for the maths paper and now I want to take admission again in std 12. Can I take admission again in CBSE std 12 or should I opt for State Board. I alsowant to prepare for CATexam. Can you please suggest to me which subjects and stream should I choose now, so that it may help me in my CAT later exam? Also in which board should I complete my std 12? Please guide me...

‘Connect to the real world’

Q. I am a guy, age 20. I have this feeling which doesn’t go away, unless I make myself busy. This feeling asks for affection, a human touch (hugs, holding hands, etc.), talking to someone without feeling insecure, etc. This feeling, this state, just doesn't goes away, why? Does day dreaming/wishful thinking about some imaginative and nonexisting situations makes me feel better? Probably, yes. Also, being asocial kind, I don't have many friends as there are very few people I find interesting. Many ..

Break bad habits for good

Like most of us, I spend way too much time online. Part of this is for work, but if I’m honest, a sizable chunk consists of mindless scrolling. I typically succumb during periods of boredom, though the stress of a deadline can lead me down a rabbit hole. Let’s say I’m, oh, I don’t know, researching a story on changing bad habits. Soon enough, I’m pinning an air-fryer recipe on Pinterest and buying a sherpa-fleecelined scarf. And I’ve tried willing myself to make today the day I don’t check social ..

‘Drink Exams, Eat Exams & Sleep Exams’

Yes, its exam time and tension is in the air! You don’t mention what level of studies you are in- whether school or college? Of-course it does not matter for an exam is just that for all appearing. Students who are fairly disciplined with their studies on a regular basis are better equipped to appear for the final exam. Their stress levels are low as their preparedness is on a higher level. Students with high levels of stress suffer due to various reasonsone is irregular disciplined study, second ..

We Are In A Race We Did Not Choose

Pythagoras who lived a little more than 500 years before Jesus Christ and whose genius ushered in the golden age of Greece taught his disciples to live for the day only. He urged them never to worry about anything especially what was over and done with which never can be undone! One of his most famous saying was “Leave not the mark of the pot upon the ashes”. In other words, wipe out the past, forget it, start the day afresh. It was the only way to achieve the peace of the contented mind. Long before ..

‘Choose career of your liking’

Economics is an evergreen subject and much in demand now with the globalization scene. Its scope is vast and the job opportunities are many too. Besides the Niti Ayog (what was called the Planning Commission earlier) where you could work, the banking sector is a huge sector for employment of economists. They work as financial risk analysts, financial planners and mathematics is a combination to have along with economics...

Follow your inclinations

Q. I am a 28-year-old man. My parents are looking for a match for me though I have said ‘no’ to many already. I am sorry about rejecting girls and it is bad to do so, but I have not been able to say yes to anyone. They are all good girls but I don’t know what I want from a girl? Can you help in such matters? I live outside Nagpur and will plan a visit if you say so? My family is annoyed with me and rightly so...

Talk To Yourself To Say The Right Things

A sk any achiever the secret of his success and he may say something like this: “Well, I had the right credentials education, experience and worked hard making minimum mistakes. I also happened to be at the right place at the right time. It may be true but what made him was that he became indispensable to the employer because he developed the right attributes to attract the employer’s trust and truth in transactions and performance. He played his leadership roles and willingly accepted difficult assignment..

Do not suffer, seek help

Q. I am 36-years-old and since childhood I have lot of fear in my mind when I have to meet strangers and specially talk to women/girls. Even though I am working now, the fear of people continues. I feel I might do something wrong if I take a step forward. Now due to this, I have developed problems in my stomach. I read your column and thought I should come and meet you. Please help me madam...

Learning to Love Myself

Bundled up in the cloak of obscurity, Trying to hide behind anonymity, My anxious self wallows in doubt, What’s uglier, my face or soul? What’s prettier, my fury or self-loathe? Brittle is my confidence that once soared with pride,..

The truth behind the ‘excuse makers’

It was a memorable audio tape I was listening to. I got the example of a sparrow that stimulated my thoughts and brought me back to another article. It was not only the example but something we do require to accomplish our goals and understand our internal world as well as the external world. Let’s examine something about our behaviour out of knowing this example. Everyone is acquainted with the sparrow. As we all know, sparrows have a nest to stay as we have a home. Here the learning begins. When ..

RSVP, a genuine aspect we need to follow

It is our culture that we make sure that all the events we host or are a part of take place in the best of the ways possible. The devising of the programme begins with sending beautifully created invites to our knowns. What do we write in it? Well, all the minutes as well as necessary details for the invitee to make it easier for them to reach us. In the very end of the card, we mention RSVP and the name, address and contact details of the hosts are inscribed. Right? But ever wondered why is this ..

Forget perfection and AIM FOR IMPROVEMENT

R eal is not how you are made. It is a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a very long time not just to play with you but really loves you, then you become real. It does not happen all at once but takes a long time. That is why it does not happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real most of your hair has fallen, your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints. But these things don’t matter at all because ..

FAIL & FALL TO RISE & SHINE

When a child is born, the only source of security and survival are the significant others around him.The grown ups have to take care and ensure no harm comes to the little one.The instinct to protect the offspring is very strong and parents even in the animal world go to great lengths to keep their babies safe. There are so many videos on the net of animal mothers risking their own lives to protect their young ones.Yet, beyond a point; this parental behaviour must give way and is replaced by a different ..

Handle with a mature mind

Q. My son is in Std 10, and preparing for his Board exams. But he is not studying with concentration and is engrossed in TV and mobile games. He was a good student till Std 8, but I don’t know what has happened to him now. He does not listen to me and tells me not to worry. He also keeps arguing with me. But I know he is not studying properly and I don’t know if he will pass with good marks. He is also confused about his future career plans and keeps changing them. Should I bring him for counselling?..

Troubles, Like Babies, Grow Larger By Nursing

All of us complain at one time or another. If you are wondering, you complain too much, simply ask your friends, relatives or associates about it. They will let you know! Complaining does not mean that you are searching for solutions. It does not refer to occasions when you share your life experiences and disappointments with others. Part of being human is sharing our experiences and supporting each other. That has been the true tradition of living a real life which is smooth and soothing in nature. ..

Depression disrupts good behaviour

 ■ By RITA AGGARWAL :     Q. I am losing my sleep and feeling irritated all the time. I feel like running away from home. I love my mother, but don’t like my father although I love him. He keeps shouting many times for small reasons and gets violent with my mother. She tries to keep calm, but she has started crying a lot. I feel helpless and want to take my mother away. My father has no bad habit of drinking or smoking, but bullies my mother a lot. He is getting worse. ..